Being Trans and Jewish: Fostering Understanding and Allyship

*This event was covered by the Detroit Jewish News here.*

Trans people are under attack. Join us for this important conversation where we will hear personal stories from people who are trans and their close relatives. What resources are available? How can you be an ally? How can the Jewish community be supportive? 

The panel was be moderated by Nomi Joyrich, Michigan Director of Jews for a Secular Democracy. Rabbi Steven Rubenstein provided welcome remarks.

Panelists were:

• Rachel Crandall,, Executive Director of Transgender Michigan and Founder of “The International Transgender Day of Visibility”
• Emme Zanotti,  Senior Director of Movement Building & Political Affairs at Equality Michigan, and
• Ezra Orel, recent UM graduate, Trans artist and scientist.

 

The event is taking place at Congregation Beth Ahm, August 7 at 7pm. Kosher snacks and continued conversation following the panel. If you are joining us in person, please register in advance here: https://bit.ly/transjfasd

Join the livestream here: https://www.cbahm.org/livestream

 

Co-hosted by: 

Congregation Beth Ahm and JFASD

Co-Sponsors:

Congregation for Humanistic Judaism 

Isaac Agree Downtown Synagogue

Congregation B’nai Moshe

Adat Shalom

Transgender Michigan

Temple Kol Ami

Equality Michigan

 

Resources and Book recommendations for Trans people and Allies

1. Resources
2. Crisis Hotlines
3. Websites for Transgender Allyship
4. Allyship Guidance
5. Allies who are Partners Guidance
6. Recommended Book List

 

1. Resources
   
   Keshet
   Keshet works for the full equality of all LGBTQ+ Jews and our families in Jewish life. We strengthen Jewish communities. We equip Jewish organizations with the skills and knowledge to build LGBTQ+-affirming communities, create spaces in which all queer Jewish youth feel seen and valued, and advance LGBTQ+ rights nationwide. Some programs include: youth programs including  shabbatons, interest-free loans to help relocate to a safer community, spaces created by and for Jews of Color, education and training. This is a national organization.Equality Michigan (EQMI)313-537-7000
   Provides education, victim services, and outreach that empowers LGBTQ+ neighbors throughout the state to live in safe communities, take care of our families, and create positive impact by improving our social, cultural, and economic lives and wellbeing. We do this by ensuring underrepresented voices are amplified

   Transgender Michigan (TGMI)
   Provides advocacy, support and education while serving to create coalitions in the state of Michigan to unify and empower transgender and gender non-conformist communities. Transgender Michigan has many events that are intended to connect and support the transgender community.Stand with Trans
   Empowers and supports transgender youth and their loved ones. Offers resources for parents, educational trainings, and LGBQT+ affirming therapy services.

   MiGen: Michigan LGBQT+ Elders Network 313-241-8994
   Support for LGBQT+ who over 45 years old. Services include housing and healthcare support, social activities and advocacy.

   Affirmations
   Community center with programs including: groups, social events, mental health, medical health, and resources. This is a fun space to hang out.

   ACLU of Michigan (313) 578-6800
   Legal resource

   Corktown Health Center (313) 832-3300
   Health care and dentistry. Focus on LGBQT+ affirming care.

   Ruth Ellis Center (313) 252-1950
   Support for homeless LGBTQ+ young people

2. Crisis Hotlines
   
   LGBTQ+ Intimate Partner Violence Hotline: 1-800-832-1901
   Suicide and Crisis Hotline: 9-8-8
   Transgender Michigan Help Line:  855-345-TGMI (855-345-8464)
3.  Websites on Trans Allyship
   
   transequality.org  – “Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally”Glaad.org – “Tips for Allies of Transgender People”hrc.org – “Be an Ally – Support Trans Equality”

   thetrevorproject.org – “Guide to Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Young People”

   Wired.com – “How to Advocate for Trans Rights in Your Community”

4.  Allyship
   Remember that being transgender is frequently an isolating & at times a frightening experience & those that are trans have all experienced being shamed and rejected.
   
   • If unsure, ask which names & pronouns that the person would like you to use.
   • If you make a mistake with a name or pronoun, apologize & correct it; try harder & don’t dwell on it
   • Do not make assumptions about someone’s sexual orientation or other aspects of someone’s identity.
   • Do not ask about a person’s hormone or surgical treatments unless the person says they are open to questions.
   • Keep an open line of communication & trans people in your life so they know that they can talk to you.
   • Educate yourself about transgender issues & ways to support your trans loved ones & friends.
   • Avoid asking why someone is transgender. It is their identity.
   • If a loved one & you’re struggling to understand their experience, seek an experienced therapist to work through your feelings.
   • Look for ways to advocate for transgender rights and to outwardly show your support for them, e.g. Pride events.
   • Condemn discrimination, bullying and prejudice against transgender people.
   • Don’t tolerate verbal intolerance in spaces which you occupy, e.g. work, gym.
   • Wear an ally identity pin or T shirt and/or put up a house sign or flag that indicates you’re safe to be with if someone is trans.
   • Intervene when you see discrimination if it is safe to do so.
   • Learn about local, state & federal laws which protect trans people from discrimination and recognize their rights or if there aren’t, actively advocate for passing those laws.
   • Introduce them to other people.
   • Offer to accompany a trans person, whether to the restroom, go for a walk, shop or just to walk to their car at night.
   • Invite women who are transgender into women’s spaces, e.g. luncheons, book clubs, discussion groups, walking groups, etc.
   • Advocate for a welcoming environment in schools for trans children with zero tolerance for discrimination.
   • Go to businesses that support trans people and don’t support those that do not.
   • Learn about local, state & federal laws which protect trans people from discrimination and recognize their rights or if there aren’t, actively advocate for passing those laws.

    

5. Allies Who are Partners

• Ask meaningful questions & care about the answers; challenges both to be curious and honest. (onelove.org)
• Get & stay educated especially about challenges trans people & their families face. Don’t simply rely on the trans person to educate you.
• Use correct names & pronouns.
• Give self permission to feel all the feels & get professional support & grieve.
• Listen if they need to vent.
• Don’t hide them like you are ashamed of them.
• Be aware they may feel isolated and alone or othered outside of the relationship.
• Ask a partner what they need, e.g. do they need you to accompany them, e.g restroom, shopping, etc.
• Be their biggest supporter.
• Don’t pressure them.
• Think before you say something that may be hurtful e.g. challenging their sense of gender.
• Talk about & be honest about intimacy, touch and sex and what terms means for each of you.
• Remember your partner’s identity doesn’t define your relationship, your sexuality or gender.
• What matters is the love and respect you have for each other.
• If you find you cannot be supportive, be honest and question why you are staying.

6. Recommended Books

• Transgender Emergence by Arlene Lev, LCSW
• Transgender History by Susan Stryker, PhD
• Transgender Explained For Those That Are Not by Joanne Herman
• Through The Door Of Life by A Jewish Journey Between Genders. –  Joy Ladin, PhD
• Balancing on the Mechitza by Noach Nzmura
• Reaching for Hope by Susan DeWitt Hall
• Holding On To Hope by Susan DeWitt Hall
• Trans-Kin: A Guide for Family and Friends of Transgender People by Hubbard and Whitley
• The Reflective Handbook For Partners of Transgender People by D.M. Maynard
• American Teenager. – How Trans Kids Are Surviving Hate & Finding Joy
• I Promise Not To Tell: Raising A Transgender Child by Cheryl B. Evans
• Trans Bodies, Trans Selves by Erickson & Roth
• Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
• The Trans Partner Handbook by Jo Green
• She’s Not There: A Life in Two Gender by Jennifer Boylan, PhD
• Stuck in the Middle: A Memoir of Parenting in 3 Genders by Jennifer Boylan, PhD
• Mad Honey by Jennifer Boylan & Jodi Picoult (fiction, mystery)
• Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein
• Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt
• Whipping Girl: A Transexual Woman On Sexism & Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano, PhD
• Excluded by Julia Serano, PhD
• The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill
• My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd
• She’s Not The Man I Married by Helen Boyd
• I’m Your Daughter Too by R. Madison Amato
• Different Daughters by Marcia M Gallo
• Transparent: Love Family & Living With Transgender Teens by Chris Beam
• So Many Stars: An Oral History of Trans, Nonbinary, Genderqueer, and Two-Spirit People of Color by Caro De Robertis

For a more complete list of books, including children’s books, tween books, and video games, TV shows and films, go to Stand With Trans book list.

Books focusing on Race and Jews:

• Decolonizing Design by Dorthy Tunstall
• War on All Puerto Ricans by Nelson A Denis
• Jewish Conquistadors of the New World by Juan Marcos Bejarano Gutierrez
• Jewish Pirates of the Caribbean by Edward Kritzler
• The Colors of Jews: Racial Politics and Radical Diasporism by Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz

*Thanks to Dana Strauss for the Book List and Guide for Allies. Thanks to Grace Olivero-Vazquez and Emme Zanotti for additional books and resources.*